IAS 69: Accounting for Girlfriends

i accidentally found this hilarious miserable standard as i browsed through the acca forum on opentuition. this is critically insane but the truth is, yeap.. accountants keep playing with definitions, criteria, recognition, disclosure and what not bla3.. i remembered a discussion i'd joined in an accounting seminar, they said accountants used to argue over a simple tiny things, even on the definition and classification of biscuit and chocolate.. oh yeah.. what a boring life isn't it. well, enjoy! :D

IAS 69: Accounting for Girlfriends

OBJECTIVE:
The objective of IAS 69 is to prescribe the accounting treatment for girlfriends. The principal issues are the timing of recognition of a female friend as a girlfriend, the number of days the relationship can be carried on and any write down in this romantic relationship. It also provides guidance on the methods to be employed to make girlfriend.

SCOPE:
This IAS applies to all girlfriends except those whose father, brother, ex-boyfriends or prospective boyfriends are working in police, army, intelligence agencies or political organizations or six feet tall, have muscular body and know kung fu, judo or any other marshal art.

DEFINITIONS:
The following terms are used in this Standard with the meanings specified:

LOVE is a serious mental disease, mostly found in old Indian movies, dramas and Shakespearean literature.
FLIRTING is the modern form of love; this disease came from Hollywood movies, new Indian movies, internet, mobile phones, and English literature.
MARRIAGE is a long term liability as a result of PAST events that is expected to be settled by increasing the population, decreasing the health and money.
GIRL FRIEND is a current asset as a result of past efforts and events that is probable to generate future dates, physical contact and gifts. If not properly handled may become long-term liability i.e. wife.
BOYFRIEND-SPECIFIC VALUE is the present value of the future dates that a boyfriend expects to realize from continuing use of the girlfriend over its useful life and from its disposal to his another friend at the end of the flirting term.
FLIRTING TERM is the higher of the following:
-from your first conversation till the time the girlfriend father catches you
-from the time of your first date till your girlfriend get married with another person ,in which case she will become your ex-girlfriend
-from the time of your first date till you get married with your girlfriend, afterward it will become a suffering term.

RECOGNITION
A girl shall be recognized as a girl friend if, and only if:
(a) it is probable that future physical benefits associated with the girlfriend will flow to the boyfriend,
(b) no possibility of girlfriend becoming a long term liability (wife) exists and
(c) the expenditures to be incurred (e.g. in respect of gifts, cards etc ) can be measured reliably Female Cousins, younger sisters, and other female friends associated with the girlfriend should not be recognized. However, beautiful and bold ones should be declared in the flirting statement if and only if it is probable that they are expected to result in prospective girlfriends.

MEASUREMENT OF USEFUL LIFE OF GIRLFRIEND
All the following factors shall be considered in determining the useful life of a girlfriend:
(a) Expected “usage” of the girlfriend.
(b) Expected “physical” wear and tear, which depends on “operational” factors such as the number of “shifts” the girlfriend is to be used.
(c) Technical or commercial obsolescence arising from changes in fashion or “service output” of the girlfriend.
(d) “Legal” or similar limits on the “use” of the girlfriend.

DERECOGNITION

The girlfriend shall be derecognized:

1. at the end of the useful life of girlfriend or flirting term whichever is earlier,
2. when no future benefits are expected from her or her disposal or 3.
3. when remote possibility of girlfriend becoming long term liability occurs.

DISCLOSURE

The flirting statement shall disclose, for each “class” of girlfriend:
a) Total number of girlfriends with:
-age of girlfriend
-complexion, face cut
-the useful life of each girlfriend
-email address, residential address and mobile no. of each girlfriend
-any “special” benefits that may have been derived from the girlfriend
b) A reliable estimate of the boyfriend regarding no. of expected girlfriends for each class of girlfriend.
c) A reliable estimate of the expenditures to be incurred (e.g. in respect of gifts, cards etc) for each class of girlfriend.

And we will send you a copy of a disclaimer.

SOURCE: Accountancy Students (United Kingdom) and AccountacySA (may 2009, issue)